its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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