I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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