Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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