We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
