I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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