i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
someone threw a dead crab at me
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
