There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
