the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
