Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
