Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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