i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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