well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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