Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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