i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just had sex bonerless
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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