Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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