Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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