She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize