so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
