Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
