Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize