So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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