i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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