well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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