dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
