I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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