I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
