Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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