If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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