At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
