Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
