So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize