the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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