I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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