Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
