dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
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