is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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