I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
