dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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