my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize