Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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