conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
