My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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