Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
