You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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