I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
