they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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