this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
where are you?
Hypothermia
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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