You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
