That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
