He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
