yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize