i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
