I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
