he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
