he thought i was a dude.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
