and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize