Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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