I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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