So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
