He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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