i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
