I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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