god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
